On that momentous day when you\u00a0stand across from the one you love and commit to spend the rest of your lives together, you don\u2019t fully understand the words \u201cfor better or for worse.\u201d It\u2019s hard to prepare yourself for things like unexpected death, bankruptcy or brain tumors. But that\u2019s where Jim found himself 10 years after marrying the love of his life: outside an operating room while surgeons removed a tumor from her skull.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m sure he was relieved, and even ecstatic, when word arrived that the operation had gone well. The tumor had been removed and his wife would make a full recovery. It wasn\u2019t until a few days later, after his wife had returned home from the hospital, that he noticed that everything was not, in fact, all right. Something was very wrong. He started to notice that his wife was not behaving like her normal self. She was coherent and functional\u2026but different.<\/p>\n
It didn\u2019t take long to figure out that something must have happened during the surgery that altered her personality. To put it another way, the woman he knew was no longer the woman he knew. Jim\u00a0was now married to a completely different person than the one he wed over a decade earlier. His \u201cnew\u201d wife\u2014same body, different personality\u2014was a little more critical, a little more cynical and\u00a0required significant\u00a0help and attention in areas of her life that used to come easy to her, like shopping and cooking.<\/p>\n
Many\u00a0people would use this change\u00a0as an excuse\u00a0for divorce or separation. At the very least, they would complain about it\u2026but not Jim. Jim made promises, commitments and vows: \u201cFor better or for worse. In sickness and in health. In good times and in bad.\u201d<\/p>\n
For the last 20+ years, Jim has remained married to his new wife, and he has loved her and dedicated his life to her just as if this tragedy had never occurred.<\/p>\n
Here are three lessons I learned from talking to Jim:<\/p>\n
Love Is Not the Same as Happiness<\/strong><\/p>\n If love were happiness, it wouldn\u2019t be called love \u2026 it would be called happiness. Many people walk away from love when it stops being easy or fun, or when their relationship stops making them happy. True love is willing to get through the tough stuff in life, like sickness, financial stress or periods of transition.<\/p>\n Love is not about convenience. It\u2019s not about ease. It\u2019s not about smooth sailing. Love is about being there for someone through thick and thin, no matter what, and sometimes those times won\u2019t be happy ones.<\/p>\n It\u2019s Not about You<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cIt makes me happy to see her happy,\u201d he said more than once.<\/p>\n Sure, things are difficult sometimes. Sure, she doesn\u2019t always meet his needs. But there is real joy in being with someone and giving someone something that nobody else can. Jim loses himself in service to his wife. He is dedicated to making her life as amazing as possible. In doing so, he\u2019s become a kind, gentle and patient man. He\u2019s become a better friend and an incredible father, and he\u2019s allowed this trial to shape him into the husband his wife needs.<\/p>\n It\u2019s his focus on others that brings him true joy.<\/p>\n It\u2019s Never as Bad as You Think<\/strong><\/p>\n Bad things happen, but it\u2019s not the end of the world. As horrible as Jim\u2019s story sounds, he\u2019s happy. He\u2019s really, truly happy.<\/p>\n Life will throw challenges your way\u2014it\u2019s inevitable. But the challenges you face are rarely as bad, unmanageable or scary as they seem.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not the challenges in life that will hurt your relationship, it\u2019s how you deal with them. A marriage can be torn by the way you squeeze the toothpaste tube or it can be brought closer together by tackling something as scary as illness, finances or even infidelity.<\/p>\n Life\u2019s trials won\u2019t destroy you unless you let them.<\/p>\n Leave your takeaways in the comments!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"On that momentous day when you\u00a0stand across from the one you love and commit to spend the rest…\n","protected":false},"author":101,"featured_media":1723,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10104259587489742_110062855004561":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[53],"tags":[27,36,16,7],"coauthors":[5395],"class_list":{"0":"post-1099","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-love-relationships","8":"tag-love","9":"tag-marriage","10":"tag-relationships","11":"tag-tips"},"yoast_head":"\n